liz's guide to made up sewing.

just like reupholstering, i dont see how hard it can be.  you just put some fabric together, put it under the machine and carry on.  therefore, i decided to make my sister an apron for christmas.  she has dreams of being a domestic diva and thinks that owning an apron will make her a good cook.  well atleast she will look cute in her attempts.  so first, i found the apron that would serve as my muse (thanks, Anthropologie.com!).  the pic is a little blurry but you get the gist.

 from here i headed to joann's fabric to find what most closely resembled these colors.  a little disappointed with the way the orange fabric looked after i left the flourescent lights of the store but it is what it is.   with fabric in hand, i went home and spend a good hour on the computer researching how to sew, how to sew aprons, how to sew ruffles, how to sew a skirt, everything you need to know and so much more about sewing.  then, i got to work.  here are a few pics of the process:

i legit just made up what i was doing.  its obviously not perfect by any means and im sure any experienced sewer could pick out a million things i did wrong but hey, im pretty proud of it!  i debated making and selling them but i think the time it took me to make it completely outweighs and money i could sell this for.  it is thursday now and i have been working on it every night since sunday for about 1-3 hrs each night.  maybe with practice I could whip these puppies up in a hummingbird heartbeat.  here is a pic of it basically finished, just need to finish a few more things.  hopefully it fits her because i used myself as a base and i have huge knockers.

christmas decor

Went to Michael's and spent $48.11!  totes stayed under my $50 budget and this is what some of my masterpiece looked like when all said and done.

Instructions after the jump.  Just kidding, I don't even know what the purpose of a jump is or how to incorporate it into a blog...

christmas time for domestics

colin and i are throwing our first "Christmas Dinner Party"  like a bunch of yups.  I have scoured the pages of Better Home and Gardens, Living, O Mag and all other mags that only moms and me subscribe to.  I get all excited about decorating the house in a Winter Wonderland theme but then get snapped back to reality when I realize, is it really worth it?  I'm going to spend tons of money on some shit my friends will be like oh that's nice but not care either way if it was there or not? 

DUH, OF COURSE IT IS.  But then, I look at my bank account and again come to my senses and realize 1.)  I need a buget and 2.) shiz needs to be strictly DIY.

DOMESTIC CHRISTMAS DECORATING CHALLENGE:  $50 to decorate for this dinner party.  aaaaaaaaaaand begin.

aaaaaaaand we're back...

i just got an e-mail from my sissy today asking me what happened to this jam.  i really had nothing to write about so i didn't. as luck would have it for old ernie, i got home today and what was waiting for me but my new sewing machine that colin got me for my bday (which was in august...but that's another story for another blog).

soooooo i decided it was finally time to use that fabric i bought approx a year ago and embark on a domestic project for dummies.  so here goes.  i obvi cannot follow directions so i eyeballed some instructions online and used all those handy skills i learned in home ec 16 years ago.  i figured out how to thread the beotch and got cracka lacking.

and this ladies and gents is the finished product.  i know what everyone is getting for christmas...

i am officially a domestic diva of 2011.

sage advice

i feel like the biggest dumbass in the world (please keep comments to self).  a few weeks ago i planted basil, sage and rosemary.  nothing grew.  all of a sudden the sage sprouted and has been growing like crazy!  so i smelled it.  didn't smell like anything.  so i asked colin.  i say, "colin, do sage plants smell like sage?"  so colin says, "um yeah liz."  hmmmmm...

so this morning i noticed some weeds attacking my almost dead knockout rose bush.  so i start pulling them.  hmmm these weeds look just like my sage...

what i thought was sage is a fucking weed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg i hate gardening.  i am never planting from seeds again.  period. the end.  i am buying them already in progress.

hampden style

i live in a very bluecollar, white area to put it nicely (read: WT).  therefore, i would like to share my new addition to my yard as an attempt to blend in with the rest of the hood.  thank you to my bro for the best christmas present ever!

Please note the red rhododendrum in this picture.  Since this picture has been taken, it has died.  RIP. 

Blast you, black thumb!  Or is it because Lou peed all over it...?

oh man.

weather this weekend does not look good.  i guess this means i can't work on my garden.

i wanted to share this masterpiece with everyone.

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/


you're welcom-m-m-m-m-m-m-e.

woe is me.

so i went to old home depot this weekend and bought an ish ton of flora and fauna (if you will).  planted it like a bat out of hell.  literally as soon as i was done, lou ran through it and ripped up TWO impatients or pansies or begonias or whatever they are called.  asshole.

as previously stated, i have tendencies to kill any plant i touch.  im hoping lou's demolition is not an omen.

but i feel as long as 50% grows, i have succeeded.

dedicated to andrea.

i dressed up as my chair.

cruella deville, cruella deville.  if she doesn't scare you, then no evil will.

garden of liz and colin

ummmmm does anyone know anything about plants and how not to kill them?  i did not get my mom's master gardener gene, that's for sure.  i swear any plant or flower i touch turns to a black wilted mess. 

p.s.

my dog is cuter (and sexier) than yours.

this shit is bananas. b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

whelp.  chair -1, liz -0.  uhhhh this reupholstering ish is waaaayyy harder than my dumbass thought.  but, i managed to get through it.  now, i need to repaint the chair bec it is the brightest yellow there is and that was not what i was going for.  however, i have been putting off said task since my last post bec i just cannot be bothered.  i also have to do the edging or whatever its called in the reupholstering world (aka piping) so it looks finished and not a stapled mess.

sorry i have been MIA.  i got laid off, then started a new job.  unfortunately, this new job actually requires me to work so my blogging time has been rudely interrupted.  plus, i am too lazy to upload pictures.  in the meantime, here's a picture i took on my phone of the picture on my camera.  you get the idea. syonara suckers!

beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice

so let's call a spade a spade.  jo-ann is a dumb b and i am never going back to that store if i can help it.  everyone there is ancient and i brought the median age down to 80 which doesn't say much for those old hags (sorry, that was mean).  ancient also translates to slooooooooooooow.  they sell gaudy fabric but no reupholstering tools in sight.  uh i was so angry being in there.  then once i finally found what i needed, it took 5 hours to check out because flo at the register was taking her sweet ass time.  however i did get a "my first craft box" so that was pretty sweet.  now all my goods are martha stewart organized.

so then i went to home depot and got some paint, nail gun and tacks, very uneventful.

once i got home i decided to paint (yep, wild friday night!) the chair what i thought was a mustardy, marigold yellow.  nope-ola!  my basement lit up like sunshine.  so i decided i would keep calm and carry on and deal with the paint change when all was said and donezo.  so here are some pics.

i hope the final project comes out better because all that kept running through my mind as i was nailing was geena davis saying "beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice."

the ghost with the most babe.

sleep with one eye open.

lou really is baby stewie.  this is a picture of creepy lou watching creepy colin sleep.

tonight is the night is the night of love

word to ur mother.  i just found out i get out of work at 2pm.  thank G!  this means i can go to joanns fabric and wander around pretending i know 1.) what im doing and 2.) what im looking for.  hopefully joann (or maybe even joanne) will be there to guide me.  then i can write more posts.

i think i set the bar too high in my previous posts because i really have nothing to say or write about it.  whomp. whomp.    i am no longer giving kelly oxford a run for her money and i humbly accept that.  i am the worst domestic divas for dummies there is.

stay tuned.

procrastination nation

clearly and unsurprisingly, i did no work on my chair this weekend bec i got my nails done and didn't want to mess them up doing manual labor.  well actually i lie.  i primed it last night.  so now its streaky white and i still have primer all over the back of my arms.  no clue how i even got it there.  now i cannot figure out what color to the paint it.  maybe i will paint it to match my nails.  cheers!

back to the infamous green chair....

whelp.  here she is.  isn't she a beaut???  after i got it, i said to myself, "self, are you sure you want to take off this glorious velvety olive seat that sinks all the way to the ground when you sit on it?"  after weighing my options, i decided i was gonna go for it for the sake of this blog and the entertainment of my "followers."

So drunkenly the other night, this is the progress i made.  it's amazing how much easier things become when you do them drunk.  fabric came off like it was nobody's business.  it pretty much jumped off the chair.  now that i have done this i have no clue what im supposed to do next.  but i am a firm believer that as long as you have the computer and the internet, you can learn anything you set your mind to.  so im gonna enroll in Google University and figure out what im supposed to do.  I also can't decided what colors i want to make it.  my original though was something wild and being the cheeseball jersey girl that i am, i immediately though animal print.  all i said to colin was, "i just dont know what color to paint it." (knowing fully well what i really mean was, i'm gonna paint it bright yellow with zebra print fabric).  he responded "please, no animal prints."  WTF?????  this is my only chance to shine with leopard and zebras galore since it has been banned from my house.  anyway...suggestions on color????

please note future project behind chair.  i hate that clunky ass thing so much it makes me angry.

casting call.

*********UPDATE********colin's response to this post:  "do you really think about us being a creative couple a lot?"  ummmmm...

so i'm looking for a new leading man in my future movie.  colin's response to my new found blog:  "i didnt know you had it in you." (what the hell does that even mean???)  and "well, now if you have people following, you actually have to do it, not just two entries."  JERK.  therefore, has been demoted from supporting actor to extra.  im thinking david becks would be purrrrrrfect for the role.  actually maybe jason statham would be more appropriate since colin is his dobbleganger anyway.  here's an actual photo of colin takien while on the job:

yes.  colin is a chef.   i know what you're thinking.  my what a creative couple!  trust.  i think about it every day.  it's hard having two such creative minds under one roof....

the green chair.

after writing my first post.  i realize that blogs are creepy.  i am writing like i think there is a huge audience reading this.  however, it's just anastasia and possibly my boyfriend colin but i havent told him about my movie yet so hes unaware of blog's existence.  oh well, gives me something to do at work. 

so i bought this gross olive green chair off craiglist for a 20 spot.  as a side note:  baltimore has the WORST craigslist listings.  you look at NYC or brooklyn and they have all these fabulously modern things for sale for dirt cheap.  baltimore you get purple leather couches and grandma's floral curtains.  and then they try and sell that ish for $100+!!!  redonk.   cool house decor is few and far between so you need to snatch it up as soon as it's listed.

back to the chair, i have decided that any idiot, including myself, can reupholster.  this is task #1.  pictures to come when i figure out how to post pics.

ps.  francine pascal has done it again.  the new sweet valley book just came out.   ten years later and the twins don't speak.  i wonder if its over todd wilkins or lila fowler!!!!  cannot wait to buy it.  and i found this on wiki-wiki-wiki-wikipedia as a refresher course http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweet_Valley_High.

And so it begins...

well let me just begin by saying that this blog is about do it yourself decor.  i know nothing about do it yourself decor.  i am the opposite of a domestic diva.  however, ever since i watched julie and julia i have wanted a blog that eventually anyone who is anyone will read and then it will turn into a book and then a movie starring me and meryl streep.  the only problem was that i didnt know what to write about.  so after long, hard thought of trying to decide what my hobbies are, i finally realize that apparently i have none.  all i do is drink wine and watch tv.  not cool.  no one wants to read about that.  shoot.  so i focused on my job.  commercial real estate, who cares about that?  i happen to have the most boring job on the planet since the recession hit so i focused on what i actually do at work.  i spend my day googling DIY decor projects that I email to myself or print out but never complete.  well, i need to start completing them and blogging about them if im ever going to star in a movie.  so here i am.  no one is going to read this but my co-worker anastasia at work but that is neither here nor there.  and so it begins...